Showing Up For Battle

Upon watching the news or reading a few articles online, one may assume that women are united. And maybe we are united in some ways. I don’t want to discredit that. But I think when spending a day in our hearts or a night in our minds, an outsider would conclude that on an interpersonal level women are more divided and lonely than ever before. There is a growing gulf between women as a result of The Knot of jealousy, comparison, and shame.

“I hate how jealousy distances me from other people- including people I love.”

I recently read this statement from a friend. In fact, I often have the very same thought. And I know many of you reading this grapple with the same reality. Jealousy is isolating. That is why I’ve become so passionate about fighting against this struggle: It’s dividing us and we all know it.

Why is unity so important anyways?  Humans were designed to be in community. We were created to be there for one another during hard times and to celebrate with one another in good times. But our unity isn’t just for us; it’s meant to be a guiding light for other lost people in the world. In the Bible, Jesus says that people in the world will know God’s love by our love for one another (John 13:35). Our unity and love for one another is our greatest testimony of hope to a divided, hurting world. It’s kind of a big deal!

But (You knew a “but” was coming didn’t you?) the enemy, Satan the devil, hates our unity. He doesn’t want the world to see your testimony of hope. He doesn’t even want you to see hope. He desperately wants us to be divided, so he takes advantage of our weak spots and insecurities. He uses our struggles with comparison, jealousy, and shame, and weaves them tighter around us, suffocating you and me into isolation and bitterness against one another.

  • When you’re so jealous of a girl that you are constantly belittling her (either by gossip or in your own mind)…that’s the enemy’s work.
  • When you’re lying in bed ashamed, comparing yourself to the other women in your life, convinced you’re the only one who struggles with comparison…there he is again.
  • When a friendship ends because of jealousy…the enemy rejoices.

This may all seem a little Negative Nancy. It’s the hard ugly truth. But talking about this is not meant to make you feel defeated. On the contrary, it’s intended to stir up determination and hope within you. The best army knows the enemy’s plans before they hit. And if you didn’t know the enemy’s plans before…you know them now! Additionally, the Lord has promised to always be with you, so do not be discouraged by the enemy’s prowling.

With that said, I challenge you, brave sister of mine, to pick up your sword and FIGHT for our unity. When you catch yourself looking with eyes of comparison, FIGHT to see through lenses of love. When you begin to feel jealous and bitter, FIGHT for a celebration mindset instead. When you’ve isolated yourself for fear of not measuring up, FIGHT for closeness with your sisters. FIGHT for authenticity in your community- to see the real human sides of the filtered lives you compare yourself to. FIGHT to embrace your commonalities and to accept your differences.

FIGHT for our sisterhood. Because the world needs it, your sisters need it, and you need it.


Are you motivated to fight but not sure how to put this into action? No worries, girl. Next week I’ll be sharing some practical strategies to get us through the struggle together. For now, I pray that your heart would be growing in its courage to simply show up for the battle.

With Love & Freedom,

Kelsee

P.S. Want to be notified of the next post? Click the purple link at the top of this page to join Detangled&Free

“The limit does not exist!”

We’ve all had that one classmate who could manage to get an answer wrong even while using a  calculator. I was that girl. I’ve been crying over math since the first grade and nearly dropped out of undergrad due to Finite Mathematics (which I re-took SIX times and STILL don’t really know what it is). The only math class I ever remember enjoying was pre-calc when I finally got to hear the quote of beloved Mean Girl- Cady Heron, “The limit does not exist!” Bottom line: I’m terrible at math.

Despite my aversion to all things numbered, there is one equation I keep coming back to: Calculating my value. 

Whether you are number-challenged, or you’re the math wizard classmate who hated students like me, I’m certain that you’re still working on this problem too.

We live in a culture obsessed with using numbers to represent the value of something. For example:

  • a BMI to indicate quality of health
  • a Credit Score to demonstrate financial stability
  • a certain number of Followers on social media to suggest likability

We are convinced that if we somehow find all the right numbers, they’ll add up to name us Valuable and Worthy of Love. We compare this number to those of others based on what we see in their lives, yet most of the time we feel our value doesn’t quite measure up.

Jealousy occurs when you believe that whatever she (you know, the girl you constantly compare yourself to) possesses is more valuable than what you possess yourself.

But unlike your pant size, number of bridesmaids, or your GPA- your value as a woman is not quantifiable.

And guess what… neither is her value.


During one of Jesus’ most famous teachings, The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus encouraged people not to be anxious about life by illustrating that the sparrows do not worry about where their food will come from.  If God provides for little birds who just fly around all day, He implies how much more God will provide for us, His people whom He has created, chosen, and loved.

So how does this passage relate to our unquantifiable value?

In Matthew 6, Jesus says “You are worth many sparrows.” Notice that he doesn’t say, “you are worth exactly 20 sparrows.” Neither does he say “you are worth many sparrows but she is worth many more.” Jesus is saying that you are worth a lot. Your value is a lot. Not a number…a lot!

You see, Christ only died once, and that death covered the multitude of all sins. All of yours and all of hers. Jesus didn’t die a little extra because he loved her more. He died one death to cover it all. And He came back to life to redeem it all. No number can represent Christ’s love for you. His love is infinite. The limit does not exist!!

So maybe the world’s calculator says she’s worth more. But the resurrected king says you’re both worth it ALL.

I am so relieved that I cannot reach a number that will represent my value, and even more relieved that I don’t have to keep up with the the world’s equation. When I assess my value this way, I find little reason to compare.

Now its your turn to decide…how will you determine your value?


This week’s challenge:

  1. What are the main factors in the equation you are currently using to calculate your value? (i.e. number on the scale + money in the bank + friends + GPA, etc.)
  2. Choose one of those elements to focus on this week. When you begin to quantify your value with it, remind yourself that you are worth many sparrows.

With Love & Freedom,

Kelsee

unquantifiable_valueMegan Dillman, Arclight Collective Photography