What To Do When Comparison Doesn’t Lead to Confidence

I recently explored a sunflower patch with my mom. There had to be thousands of flowers (most of them taller than me) uniquely contributing to a yellow blanket, stretching out to meet the sunrise. Some were bigger than others. Some stood perfectly straight. Others had a curve in their spine, while some had a smaller array of petals. The sunflowers seemed almost human to me- so vibrant and lively. Each one stood at its own height, displaying a unique beauty and quiet confidence as if it were the only flower in the field.

As I stood surrounded by the golden beauties, the saying, “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms” came to mind and I thought of you.

I recognize your search for confidence – wondering what the magic formula is and why she has it and you don’t. I understand your desire to walk into a room and easily strike up conversation with complete strangers. You want to spend less time in the mirror, adjusting every feature and just walk out the door, satisfied. I can relate to the struggle. The temptation of Insta filters, tanning beds, teeth whitening cream, eyebrow pencils, and the perfect camera angle, all intended to make us feel beautiful, ironically, have a way of highlighting our greatest insecurities. Until one day, “If only I had her ________.” becomes our theme song.

Unlike the sunflowers standing tall and proud, we ladies have a tendency to get bent out of shape by looking to our left and our right for assurance – seeking confidence through comparison.

I might not like my legs, but if there is just ONE girl at the gym who’s thighs rub together more than mine, I’ll be alright.

My eyebrows might not be symmetrical, but at least I’m not __________.

If we’re lucky, we won’t be the worst looking gal in the room. But often, this twisted method of finding confidence leaves us feeling worse than before. We play this off as “just a part of being a woman.” But I don’t think we have to settle for this kind of womanhood.

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

Did you know that sunflowers are called sunflowers because they follow the sunshine? In the first half of the day the flowers face east- looking to the rising sun. In the latter half of the day, they focus their attention to the west- facing the setting sun. And when the sun is gone, they gently close their petals; only to stretch them back out when the sun returns. They don’t waste any energy looking to the other flowers because the sun gives them life. It gives them a purpose. Its where their beauty comes from.

Maybe we need to take a cue from the sunflowers and adjust our focus – finding confidence in the SON above us rather than the girls around us.

What if we had our gaze fixed so tightly on Christ that we had no room for side-to-side glances of comparison? What if we stretched with all our might to lock eyes with our God- focusing on who He is, and who He says we are? I’m convinced we’d have no choice but to stand tall like the sunflowers, fully embracing the Truth of our unique design and Designer.

Each morning I have the power to decide where I will find my confidence: Am I going to spend time with the Lord, digging into my bible, focusing my heart on His Truth? Or am I going to scroll through social media, comparing her waistline, her smile, her collarbones to my own? When I walk into class am I wondering how I’ll ever measure up to those around me or am I resting on God’s promises about who I am?

You have the same power to choose. So here’s my sunflower challenge for you:

Fix your eyes on Jesus. Fill your heart with His Truth. Embrace who He says you are. Leave competition behind. Plant yourself among sisters. And BLOOM. Because confidence isn’t born out of comparing ourselves to the girls around us; confidence comes from fixing our eyes on the God above us.

With Love & Freedom,


P.S. Do you want to find your confidence in Christ, but still not entirely convinced of your beauty? Click HERE for a free download that’ll help you see the Truth about just how lovely you are.


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